Ann Coulter really is a mystery to me. She is intelligent, articulate, witty (albeit in a mean-spirited and condescending fashion). I find it hard to believe that she could remain so ignorant of the topics she is discussing. I’ve got a few theories on that but they are merely theories.

1) She’s blind.
I don’t mean physically blind I mean cognitively blind. The theory is that she has invested so much ego in her points of view that she actually doesn’t understand facts that prove her wrong. Because to do so would be to admit she made a mistake about something, and she is far too weak to ever do that. Not seeing these facts convinces her that she is right, and so the cycle continues.

2) She’s in it for the money.
It is possible that Ann Coulter knows that she is lying, but also knows that if she starts telling the truth now she will lose her fan base, and thus all her money. In this theory she needs to keep on towing the ultra-conservative line or she will find herself out of a job, in a recession!

3) She’s George Bush
Metaphorically of course. This is the theory that I think is actually the most accurate one. In this theory Ann KNOWS she is lying but believes that she MUST lie in order to get people to stop America from becoming too liberal. Many conservatives, notably Dick Cheney, secretly think the same way.

The idea is that people are too stupid to do the right thing. So the only way to make sure that the correct thing happens is by TRICKING them into doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. If Bush’s claims of getting a message from god telling him to invade Iraq are true (they aren’t) then he also believes the same thing: that America would never have supported his divine mission and thus he needed to trick the US into going to war and murdering Two Hundred Thousand civilians.

The differences are that Bin Laden kills civilians on purpose and Bush does it by accident. And also that Bush has killed more civilians than Bin Laden could kill in a dozen lifetimes.

I think that Ann Coulter feels the same way. She is a (freestyle) fundamentalist Christian who believes that America is becoming godless and too free. She believes that the only way to stop this from happening is by demonising everything that Democrats and Liberals do. To paint them as the most abominable strawmen imaginable, and thus save America, from itself.

I honestly believe that this is her plan. She knows that she is lying, but she believes that she is allowed to do so. Just like Rush Limbaugh.
The irony is that lies, no matter how compelling, are the easiest arguments to refute. And the more liberal the US becomes the more unpalatably bizarre her and Rush’s antics become. The real good news here is that both of their major fanbases are old, so in another 20 years both she and Rush will be as irrelevant as they should have been at the start.

4) She is secretly Pedobear, in disguise!

So caring isn't sharing after all...

Ann Coulter is secretly Pedobear. She is trying to create a country where everyone keeps their mouth shut when they think those in power are abusing them. Thus, she will finally be able to shed her lizard-like skin, let her fuzzy pelt breathe free at last and conduct a reign of terror against the nation’s children! D:

Unlikely, I know. But if we use Ann Coulter’s logic then the more TERRIFYING a prospect is the more likely it is to be true.
Lock up your daughters.

[Standard Disclaimer: this post was entirely my own opinion and was not paid for in any way, directly or otherwise, by anyone or anything that stands to gain in any way from the ideas expressed herein.]

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